Corona Jokes

Don’t worry, the Corona Virus won’t last long… It was made in China.

A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,”‘ he mumbles from behind the mask, “are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, Sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?”

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine.”

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

“Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

“Are – my – test – results – back?”

Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

Day 3 without sports. Found a lady sitting on my couch yesterday. Apparently she is my wife. She seems nice.

Back in the day the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled “last call”

I sneezed in the bank today, it was the most attention I have received from the staff in the last 10 years.

To the people who bought 20 bottles of soap leaving none of the shelves for others, you do realise that to stop getting Coronavirus, you need other people washing their hands too.

It must have been a woman who invented the Corona Virus!

1. NFL – cancelled
2. Formel 1 – cancelled
3. Bars – Closed
4. Brothels – Closed
5. You have to stay at home – With the wife

Men – We are facing a hard time!

Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.

To those who are complaining about the quarantine period and curfews, just remember that your grandparents were called to war, you are being called to sit on the couch and watch Netflix. You can do this.

*Breaking News!* – Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled “just in case”.

The whole lot collapsed and buried him.

Prediction: There will be a minor baby boom in 9 month, and then one day in 2033, we shall witness the rise of the QUARANTEENS!

Finland has just closed the border.

No one can cross the Finnish line!

Chinese doctors have confirmed the name of the first person to contract Coronavirus. His name is Ah-Chu.

People with a cold – “I just want to stay in bed and do nothing, I feel terrible”

People with Corona Virus – “I feel terrible, I think I will go skiing in Austria, visit the Eiffel Tower and maybe do some white water rafting in Camino de Santiago

Breaking News : World Health Organization has issued a statement that animals can not transmit Corona and that all animals, including dogs, should be released from quarantine. ‘WHO Let the Dogs Out!!

In Germany they are preparing for the crisis by stocking up with sausage and cheese.

That’s the Würst Case scenario!

Why is the metro in Rome the safest place to avoid the virus?

Because the waiting time is longer than the incubation time.

Before you complain to much – Remember there is one in quarantine with your ex!!

Chuck norris got Covid-19, now the virus has a 14 days quarantine!

I know a great joke about Corona Virus, you probably won’t get it though.

How come the liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? Don’t people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?

In these quarantine days we find new ways to communicate!

A good example is my neighbor who stood up at 7. am this morning and started listened to very loud heavy metal music….

What ever he liked it or not!

With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.

A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says “I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus

Is a game of poker illegal these days?

I mean, you can get a full house!

The corona fear is so bad that Mexicans won’t drink it anymore!

Coronavirus death toll in U.S. is like 12!

Jeffrey Dahmer ate more people than that.

If you’ve ever eaten at Papaya King on New York’s Upper East Side, you’re immune to coronavirus.

You know whats great about the corona virus?

Lyme Disease

The Corona fear is so bad that limes are staying away from it too.